Starting is a strange thing. I find that I only know I have started something after it’s already begun. The markings of a start are often nestled between and hiding within everything-that’s-already-happening. Starts are more like a parenthesis in the larger story of life; “once upon a time” is another way to say “a lot of other stuff happened before this moment but let’s enter into the story here.” A start is a door that appears when you decide to look for one. I am skeptical of declaring a start to something new because I cannot be sure of its fate : what it will become, or when will it end.
I’ve started many projects over the years. My ideas are like tufts of plume grass seeds billowing in gusty winds. Abundant and messy. Equally important and trivial. Some ideas turn into its own kind - another plume - while others defy the laws of nature and turn into something else entirely. I can’t explain it. No one can. And yet, ironically, this is what I’m here to do : document the mystery of things becoming.
I am becoming myself. We all are. If you look closely enough it’s happening right now! I am desperately curious about the ways the Self is created, and if there is any at all, and how it dies too. What would happen if we all knew that we are creating ourselves all the time? What would happen if we woke up in this awareness of Self? And…when I am seen by another, I see myself, and if that isn’t a miracle, I don’t know what is.
Speaking of not knowing, I don’t know what this thing is I am calling Creative Diaries, other than the practice of being curious and honest. If you listen to this episode you’ll hear me say that I’m too poetic for my own good sometimes and I am learning to come out from behind the veil of beautified abstractions. I’m here to learn how to tell my story and piece together the mythology of my life.
Creative Diaries invites you to witness my process of healing through creativity, and creating through healing. It’s the same thing, really. This practice is wildly self-serving, and you can decide for yourself if there is something here for you. What I do know is that I’ve learned immensely through the courage of others who share their honesty; I’ve been able to reach the dark parts of myself through the light that someone else shines. All I hope, is that I can bring some light into this world.
The structure :
You can subscribe to my weekly Creative Diaries Newsletter (hosted on the platform Flodesk), to receive my written reflections of my creative-healing journey. This newsletter includes a free download of A Guide to Getting Out of Your Own Way: a digital workbook for creatives who self sabotage. This workbook is designed to help you take full responsibility for your creative purpose. Each chapter includes an essay, journal prompts, and audio recorded meditations.
This Substack Essay & Podcast Episode will aim for a monthly cadence to share reflections and the high level stuff of what I’ve been moving through.
I hope you’ll join me on this little mystery we call the human experience. Please reach out and say hi! Share with me the dreams on your heart. Be in touch, and be well.
Share this post